Forgotten Realms

The Glorious Adventures of Talia Moren'en

As chronicled by the famous bard, Malia Toren'en

LAST TIME! Our dazzling heroine was RUTHLESSLY CAPTURED by hideous lowlife bandits – like, TWELVE of them – as she defended the town of Whatever from, like, things. She killed like four guys and outwitted a bunch of other ones by, 'cause, see, a couple of them were super in love with her and got really jealous and she manipulated them into turning on each other, and that's why there were only four guys in total later when other people showed up, for the record. 'Cause there had definitely been more before that. You weren't there, you don't know.

Anyway so despite this superhuman feat of strength and cunning, EVEN TALIA was finally overpowered and tied up. ALL LOOKED BLEAK.

But wait! For at this point, Talia's loyal (but not super bright) lackeys, inspired by her daring exploits and feeling aimless back at the inn without her sparkling wit and entertainment, finally followed her trail to track her down, in the process teaming up with like, idk, an insane psychopath I guess??? Literally just a maniac they found in a pub as far as I can tell. And also a super creepy demonic person with massive horns and some rad jewellery. I have no idea who either of these people are. Who are these people. 

Right, so, having finished off the three bandits they came across, who Talia had already weakened btw, the group finally arrived to find her – bound and disheveled, but like, in a sexy way. Ignoring the spurious lies of the remaining bandit, who we now took captive, Talia freed her loyal hound from her bonds, while this crazy lunatic tried to like, waterboard the prisoner with beer or something. Idk he was really upset about his missing squire and horse or something. A little bit weird, maybe a paedophile, but ok. 

BUT THEN! The final bandit returned! Instantly, Talia and Bandit STREAKED AWAY at the speed of WIND, the noble hound effortlessly taking down the fiend in a back alley while Talia slit his throat, ending his pathetic existence while the wind blew in her hair and she gave off this sort of deadly badass vibe.

I mean then we totally returned to find the others and for some reason the Rider guy had taken like, ALL of the prisoner's clothes off and was waving a knife around and like, OK, I'm leaving.

Except that, as Talia wisely pointed out, they couldn't just leave the guy in case he let the rest of the gang know! So the horned guy/possibly lady assisted the lunatic Rider in knocking this guy out and wrapping him up in a spare red cloak to take with them, which, thank god, cause that guy was FULLY NAKED. Obviously Talia is kind of a tactical genius, so she had her reservations about this, and even Erica the Buzzkill agreed, so, you know, no way we're walking next to those guys. Erica was all, 'Waaaah, he helped us, we owe him, waaaaah!', and Talia was like, 'I mean, OK, but he's literally a psychopath with like, some sexual violence issues to work through, just saying.' 

(I mean the horned person seemed pretty cool tho, they just wanted to chat with some spiders and rock some flashy accessories, so.)

Returning to the inn, the Rider finally decided to fake out that the unconscious bandit was his drunk friend or something, which did not work for one second on account of how he was wrapped in a BANDIT CLOAK, and Talia could've thought of a better plan in TWO SECONDS if she'd WANTED TO, but ok, now the whole town knows you've got a tied up naked guy in your room, and not even in a fun way. So we're definitely going to get our asses kicked in the morning unless Erica and Krugaar take Talia's EXCELLENT ADVICE to, you know, dump him by sneaking off at dawn, and get back to our ACTUAL JOB of finding Gundren. Which, Talia is pretty loyal and everything so she's totally down for that, and it's NOT because all her money and her stuff got stolen because it did NOT. So.

TO BE CONTINUED.

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